Let go to Forgive

Date
November - 2018
Author/s
-
Title
Let go to Forgive
Details:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                For Members only. For Private Circulation only.

Bombay Chartered Accountants’ Society

Harnessing Talent and Providing Quality Service

Thought Mailer                                                                       Vol. 9 1 No. 04 1 November 2018

CA. Divya Jokhakar

 

Let go to Forgive

Our peers or friends often tell us; just forget what happened. But, I have a different submission. Human brains are hard wired to remember those events that have hurt us emotionally. The memory which is secretary to the brain opens up that page of life that crumbled us up. It is like a Live Facebook Video wherein as soon as we witness the person, who is not forgiven by us, we fume in agony and the fire of grudge and hatred starts engulfing us.

Ideally, to forget is not the right way to human behaviour because momentarily you will forget the mishap, but when you are self-enquiring; self-introspecting; the event will haunt you down. You will burn even harder in the agony of having been the victim of the incident which hurt you whether emotionally or otherwise.

Imagine, you scolded a child, so hard that she cried for hours. But once, she slept of crying and woke up to the new hour, she smiles and starts playing like never before with you. Although you never listened to her demands and on top of it scolded her, what made her forgive you?

She has just “let go”. It is not about her memory whether some event happened hours ago; but something in her changed to divert her mind to the freshness and the new enthusiastic hour. That was the ability to Let GO! Not to Hold Back!

Can we act in a similar way? I suppose, not comfortably. The human ego is so inflated; that we do not and will never give a benefit of doubt to even understand the situation. Preferably, we should not get judgemental about the person. We could avoid taking the whole scene as a personal attack. We could just reflect on the event as a witness to the entire situation as if we were never a part of it.

I believe, our time here is more important in doing things rather than thinking about events of the past which would stop the present.

Letting Go, Letting it be; is not that simple. But once tried repeatedly and practiced effectively will make you hard wired to let loose and move to a better next day. That day we will feel more free and relaxed. We are not practicing divinity totally but are being kind to ourselves.

By not forgetting the incident and creating judgements we are blocking our free SPACE, chocking up a part of us which could have otherwise lived in the present with the tasks at hand to complete them with the best of our abilities.

When you don’t forget, you will derail your train from the tracks of imagination, get more difficult on yourself by wondering how to act & react and you will also become hard wired and will resist Change.

We hold on as the human mind is fickle. It wants to protect itself from more bad memories. It is fearful. It believes that others are constant and if such situations keep erupting, life will not be smooth. It allows the animosity to create a grudge.

We create a self defence mechanism around us. We like feeding our ego and making small talks to ourselves. This ultimately makes us happy. This happiness creates surety of our behaviour with the person who did wrong. It gives a certificate to take revenge by being cold. It gives an au-thority to be mean too.

How do we let go? Just maintaining distance till you are comfortable works the best. In case, they are the people you live with or work with; be gentle and kind while responding. Being polite and letting others know what you expect from them is crucial. We humans, have got the best gift of mankind; speech. We must articulate.

We like tossing ourselves in the memory of those who have harassed us, hurt us. I believe; as more of it is happening to you; the lesson will get harder for you to learn forever; to LET GO!!

About: CA. Divya Jokhakar,

Divya is a Fellow of Chartered Accountant. She is a Tax Partner with B.D. Jokhakar & Co, Chartered Accountants, and has also taken up representation at all IT Departments. She is a participant and has been a speaker at the International Economic Study Circle & International Tax Finance Study Circle at Bombay Chartered Accountant Society (BCAS).

She is in the Managing, Taxation and Human Resource Development Committee and Core Group of the Bombay Chartered Accountant Society. She is also a co-convener of International Tax Finance Study Circle at BCAS.

She was also a convener & deputy convener at ICAI’s – Churchgate CPE study circle. She enjoys tennis, fitness training, blogging and volunteers for social causes and learns the guitar.

She can be contacted at : divya.jokhakar@bdjokhakar.com

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